My Picket Fence List

Three little birds
sat on my window
And they told me I
don’t need to worry

During the year-end holidays, I took a different approach to deal with my homebody self, absence of travel plans, and general sense of loneliness that singles face in such times of merrymaking. I made a list of things that I’ve been meaning to do, and categorised them such as to have some physical movement, remove mental clutter, and finish the procrastinated tasks that had trudged into the end of the year demanding to be released of their imprisonment in my mind and on paper. I wrote all the things I wanted to do, no matter how small, in a new notebook and set off.

• Get a hair cut
• Buy a picnic blanket
• Go to the park
• Memorise a song
• Record a voice note (voice journalling)
• Meet reading goal
• Turn phone greyscale
• …

On the last day of the holiday, I completed almost everything on my list. I say almost because I’m yet to fully memorise the lyrics of a song I chose. (Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae) I know a fair bit of the song, there’s a little more to go.

While this seems like a regular list, every time I was compelled by my phone or fell into the abyss of doom scrolling, I picked the notebook and did one thing from my long register of life-stuff instead. Never, on any such list, will you find written down any of the following items, so it helped create a fence within which I frolicked and, well, hung out.

• Keep up with the algorithm
• Doomscroll to the depth of the screen

In this way, during the holidays, I always had something to busy myself with that did not demand me to chase blue-light dopamine hits. I didn’t make grand promises to myself, only small ones. Lots and lots of small ones. And I kept these promises.

I had plenty of free hours, a greyscale phone, a list of activities, and the experience of last year to mull over. So, instead of casting my mind out into the large ocean, I reduced my span of awareness to my own city, my town. On seeing how much of my city and immediate country was being laid to waste, and how ugly people can be online with their words, I found myself leaving the discourse as swiftly as possible. Now, I know it my heart that it is not the task of ordinary people without good education, cultural experience, and imagination to opine on matters for the collective. Unfortunately, the world is made up of a lot of ordinary people.

It is with this clarity I spent my time off and zoomed into my life and surroundings instead. I went into my writing, my books, and my health, both mental and physical. I chose to live closely to my own breathing, and at pace with the life I am afforded.

As I return to work, I know that this mindful living will not be as possible, but at least I know a few things now. So, it is only natural, that I make another list:

• Most people are ordinary. Not everyone’s opinion counts.
• It is not my job to save my country. It is irredeemable.
• Investing in my health and mind is freeing.
• Tech companies are dumbing us down with social media.
• Doing anything intentionally for a long time is rewarding.

In his book Heart of Darkness Joseph Conrad said that we live in the flicker. And indeed we do. But we also live in the expanse, living is long and demanding, and time stretches out and contracts based on the environment around us. And it is always, always possible to do better than yesterday, go farther than where we have been. In between, if rest we must, then so be it. But life, truly, is for living.

Happy new year. May you go inward and flourish. 🌳