This Feeling

1.

Words fell from the sky
the fingertips
the lips
The rain came in spades.

2.

You asked me if it was going to be okay.
I said yes.

You left.

3.

Do you know overwhelm?
Or fear?
Or the waves of hope
that crash against the beating of your heart?
Making a noise that even
the neighbour can hear?

4.

Or is it just four weeks
that are required
for me to lose you to yourself?

5.

I forget what it is to miss you
but I am sure I do.

6.

I apologise for my truths
for the way I feel
for not telling you anything
and yet, being so bare.

7.

I apologise for my lies
for the things I do
for telling you everything
and yet, being so closed.

8.

We could have tried harder.
We could have.

But we didn’t.

9.

If I should ever hold a light
against your cheek
blow your hair away
from your face
ask you about the pattern of scars
on the back of your hand
would you forgive me for seeing you so closely?

10.

I’m going to coat my hair
in a honey butter mask
and apply chapstick that
smells of watermelon.

But not tonight.
Not tonight.

11.

Open wounds
and the gathering of friends
with the oldest flowers
from the deepest forests.

Blessings.

12.

Say ‘thank you’.

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.