#12

Your Horoscope for the Week
-The neighbour will run out of milk. Therefore, so will you.
-Time taken for your smile to reach your eyes = 1.4 seconds
-That worry you’re holding on to? Let it go. Trust the universe.
-You will burn the dal. It will take you 15 minutes to get the smell out of the kitchen and 10 to wash the vessel. The water supply will be cut off.
-As per your birth chart, the moon will be in your window. Make something beautiful.
-You will hug your friends. Don’t let go when they do.
-Sometimes it is okay to tell people how you really feel. Tell that asshole to fuck off. Do it nicely.
-Mandatory Love Forecast: She adores you. She will not tell you.
-You will want to apologise for something you once did. While you’re at it, apologise to yourself for not taking the time to be kind to you.
-The weather bureau called: Stay hydrated. Wear sunscreen. (This is not an astrological forecast. It is science. At least follow this one.)
-Your socks will go missing. Tie them together.
-The past encourages you to try something new for a change: Believe in yourself.
-Remember the drawing lessons from school? They weren’t for nothing. Draw boundaries. Personal and Professional. Physical and Emotional.
-While writing this forecast, it has come to our notice that it is 2019 and the patriarchy must be smashed. Ask him out for tea. Tell him you adore him.
-Be vulnerable. (This is a fucking forecast. Don’t let us down.)
-You will be lazy to exercise next week. Next month, this laziness will turn into regret. Go get off your arse.
-Whatever happens, happens. We can’t guarantee the authenticity of any of this. The universe is mysterious and entropy is real.
-You will be fine.
-You will be taken care of.
-You will be loved.
-Not necessarily in that order.