Eleven

354 words

Twelve days of November have gone by. I am doing very well on the trapped-by-fear to-do list I created to tick off the things I haven’t done because of fear and anxiety (Day Ten). I’ve ticked off a bunch of things so far and while I experience a fleeting sense of achievement, I am yet to feel relief. I am tired of making decisions, of having to think about everything surrounding a decision and getting through every day. I dream about a day when my to-do list is empty and I don’t have to think about what needs tending to, for some time.

Wishful thinking, I know.

This morning, I left early for my workout studio because I wanted to throw in some time to take a detour to buy chia seeds from the supermarket. I don’t know if chia seeds do anything for the human body. It’s just one of those things I have because social media told me to do so. It’s a habit now. I responded to an invite for a housewarming ceremony. I cancelled a breakfast plan and changed it to lunch plan. I took another detour to buy a small comb to keep in my bag. I am yet to ping my friend who fell off his bike to save a chicken running across the street. I am yet to respond to my workout trainer about renewing my membership. I am yet to re-start my reading on a daily basis. And on and on. I don’t think humans were sculpted from clay by the Lord Almighty so we could make so many decisions a day.

I really hope that it’s not all that serious. That laughing them off, or being unmindful of them makes them go away into a nothingness. That when the grand scheme of things come to pass, these decisions don’t amount to anything. That life is a comedy and not a tragedy. That the universe is not as unforgiving as we make it to be. That, even though I ate the vada pav today, I don’t have to carry the burden of junk food all the time.

Previous Posts
Day Ten
Day Nine
Day Eight
Day Seven
Day Six
Day Five
Day Four
Day Three
Day Two
Day One