Guest Post 3

The White Guy and the Red Guy

(Alarm ringing)
Me : ….. Wtf…?
Him: ….Mmmpph…..
(Alarm ringing)
Me: ….(reaching out and shutting the damn thing)….
Him: ….Hrrmmmmph….

(About Three hours later)
Me: …I should get up…
Him: …….No…..
Me: It’s 11 .. come on..
Him: …. No, my head hurts…

(Two more hours pass)
Me: Omg..! I am getting up now..
Him: .. fine wateva…
Me: … (Sitting up)
Him: Where the fuck is the water ?
Me: …(Getting up to look for it.. feeling wobbly and sitting down)
Him: where is it ?
Me: Wait! …. Here.
Him: ( glugging it down)
Me: …I wanna puke..
Him: Not again, you’re such a douche..!
Me: …( Going over to the sink but not ending up puking) .. Man this sucks…
Him: You suck.
Me: ( Looking into the mirror )... You look terrible.
Him: Fuck you.
Me: It’s all your fault.
Him: My fault ?????
Me: Yes… all your fault.
Him: You fucking hypocrite.
Me: (silence)
Him: What are you complaining about ? You fucking enjoyed yourself last night.
Me :(silence)
Him: Yeah, no more words now eh ? All your bravado vanished in an instance.
Me: It happens everytime I trust you. Look what you ended up making me do last night. I feel disgusted…….. Wait, I know, this is just a bad dream.
Him: Yo..! This aint no dream. You fucked her last night.
Me: (Silence)
Him: Fucked her again and again. Remember ? On top, from the side, every fucking angle..
Me: …(weeping)...I want to die.
Him: I can’t fucking believe you. You had an amazing night with that blonde and you’re cryin over it.
Me: What will I tell Puja ?
Him: Lol..!
Me: You’re laughing ???
Him: What do you want me to do? It’s so funny…!
Me: You are such a sick bastard..!
Him: Cursing me isn’t gonna change the fact that you cheated. You cheated the girl who loves you unconditionally. You’re a cheat. A lousy common CHEAT..!
Me: Enough. Please don’t. (weeping)
Him: What if you got AIDS ?
Me : (Hands going cold)
Him: Hahahahahahaa…! This is even funnier than I thought..! Not only are you a cheat, but you’re a god damn killer too. You’re gonna kill Puja..!
Me: (Feeling faint, darkness falling over my vision)
Him: Woah Woah..! Peace bro. Relax. Sit down. drink some water.
Me: I wore rubber. Nothing could have happened. Plus the girl looked decent.
Him: Oh trust me, she’s been around…!
Me: I need to get checked up.
Him: (smirks)
Me: What did I do ? what did I do ?
Him: Waatchyu beatin yourself up for ? Life is short. Enjoy it. You had a great time yesterday and that’s that. Don’t you wanna bang that blonde again? Fuck, I don’t even know her name, but who cares..!
Me: NO NO NO NO NO ..! I can’t face anyone anymore.
Him: What’s that supposed to mean ? You’re talkin to me..!
Me: I can’t even face myself.
Him: Cmon, you haven’t done shit. There were other people in the world who have done more depraved deeds. You’re a toddler compared to them.
Me: Why don’t you get it ?? I don’t want to be like them. I detest such a life and I absolutely detest you. You disgust me.
Him: Hahahahaha..! Fuck, you’re so petty. Living the only life that you know. The life that you have been taught to live. Like a fucking mind control experiment. Open your eyes Douchemaister…! there’s a fuck load of things to do.
Me: Listen, I have had enough of you and your unholy advice. I am going to cleanse myself of you.
Him: How the fuck are you gonna do that ?
Me: Through prayer, meditation and strength of will.
Him: Hahahahahaha…!You’re a funny guy. Did someone tell you that you’re a funny guy. Oh fuck, I remember someone who did. It was the blonde you fucked last night…! BANG… ! Hahahaha…!
Me: You’re such an insensitive prick. You’re going to rot in hell.
Him: Oh yeah..! I’m going to hell alright and guess who I have for company…? Cmon .. guess.. cmon… YOU..!
Me: I will atone for my sins. I will never touch alcohol again. I will never even look at another woman. I will immerse myself in prayer and seek forgiveness from the almighty.
Him: Bla bla bla…
Me: Yes, I am going to have an ice cold shower. I will eat only plain food. I will wear simple clothes. I am..(gets cut off)
Him: Stop stop enough already. M
y head hurts. Both of us know for a fact that whatever you promise you’re gonna break in a day or two. So what’s the point ? Your’re not a fucking saint. Just be who you are. Why the fuck do you want to be like one of those factory made zombies doing what they’re told. You’re your own master, you do as you please. You fuck whoever you want..!
Me: You don’t know me at all. You are not me. There is an essential inviolable white purity in me that you violate. And because my purity does not predispose me to mistrusting you, I end up falling in your trap, with your elaborate tales and your mockery. But not any more. I know who I am. I am pure as white and I will not allow your red stains on me. If I have been stained, I will pray and pray and pray until I am washed white again.
Him: Hmmm.. interesting. So basically you are saying that you will not trust me when I bring forward my next proposal.
Me: Yes, that is correct.
Him: But, isn’t that in violation with your milky white childlike purity. If you really are pure then you would trust me regardless. Because, you are infinitely optimistic.
Me: (Silence)
Him: (Smirks)

Subhodeep Moitra

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