At times, I don’t know how I am feeling. A sense of nothingness exists within me. I am not whining neither am I elated. I am not down in the dumps neither am I one among the stars. I don’t feel miserable neither do I feel joyous. I just am. Just am.
I am writing…just because. And I don’t have much to say in spite of the fact that I have seen some movies I could do with some chattering about and have finally started reading LOTR which I am into. I do feel like I am with Frodo, Merry, Pippin and Sam in the Forest and that we are walking (without the distractions). I feel like I am just walking inside my head. Inside my head. There is a sense of placid movement and doing what one is required to do. Not doing what one wants to or doesn’t want to because, like I said, I don’t know the difference between what I want and don’t-want right now. I am just walking.
Sometimes, while walking, I feel like I can hear a train passing somewhere in the distant inside my head. It’s like a train is in my head which zooms in and zooms out snapping me to a world around me. Now there, now isn’t. And then I go walking again.
I am not sure if I make any sense to you, or anyone for that matter. For someone else to be able to get you and be comfortable with this sense of tranquility and nothingness with you would require a whish of a magic wand, I think. Which brings me to something that I haven’t been able to shake off my mind since I saw/heard it recently:
Mia: Don’t you hate that?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it’s necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don’t know. That’s a good question.
Mia: That’s when you know you’ve found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
– Pulp Fiction
I do think it takes someone “very special” to be able to be able to do that.
Here’s to me “letting it be”…and…keep walking!
suddenly i miss pulp fiction 🙂
20 minutes of Pulp Fiction (including the scene Sameen just quoted and of course the Restaurant monologue towards the end) is truly captivating cinema. The rest of it is kinda over-rated.
In spite of that, it is a great film.
For much deeper social commentary & much greater darkness, along with the same sense of detached blase nihilism, Fight Club is far superior.
I am reading the book Fight Club after which I will watch the movie.
I agree with you when you say, “20 minutes of Pulp Fiction (including the scene Sameen just quoted and of course the Restaurant monologue towards the end) is truly captivating cinema. The rest of it is kinda over-rated.” For most parts of it I liked Jules quite a bit. Specially when he offers insight at the end. The movie encompasses a lot of emotion and it does it very brilliantly now that I look at it.
After I saw it, I told someone. that it was like a book with its chapters jumbled up. However, fitting in very nicely.
I had read this in a book, “Notes to Myself” by Hugh Prather.
You’d like it:
“I am afraid of your silence because of what it could mean. I suspect your silence of
meaning you are getting bored or losing interest or making up your own mind
about me without my guidance. I believe that as long as I keep you talking I can
know what you are thinking.
But silence can also mean confidence. And mutual respect. Silence can mean live and
let live: the appreciation that I am I and you are you. This silence is an affirmation
that we are already together–as two people. Words can mean that I want to make you
into a friend and silence can mean that I accept your already being one.”
That is so beautiful! 🙂 thanks a lot for sharing!
I have read Prather’s book. Beautifully written. Beautiful quote!
Fleeting and beautiful. Very well penned 🙂
🙂 Like my life right now!
Three Cheers to you for mentioning that brilliant Pulp Fiction quote …. It’s always been a very simple yet powerfully truthful statement about human relationships and chemistry/interplay.
As far the nothingness you speak about – it happens to every one of us I guess. And I can profoundly connect with that, having experienced a singular point of absolute indifference/emptiness every day for the past 10 years or so! 😉
=D Ten years?
Haha well yes. This soul has been tortured for a decade now.
To paraphrase Red from Shawshank: “I have been institutionalized” …. actually, we have all been institutionalized – some much more than others (rigid societal expectations, career, etc – who has the time for emotional resonance, adherence to core philosophical/moral principles & intellectual creativity? 😉 )
Hahahaha. Agree. Agree.