When I feel something in great measure, I can’t react to it. If I’m extremely happy I won’t be able to jump and smile in glee and if I’m mourning a loss, you can’t get me to cry. Anything in between the swing from euphoria to despair, I can manage to react to. I’m almost mute, so much so that you won’t assume it affected me at all. I keep those feelings bundled inside me and they change who I am. Like a hammer that slowly breaks down a rock, I let those feelings work their way inside me and they change who I am. How? I’m not sure, but they do.
At such times, I dive headlong into how I feel and hold myself there. I won’t share it with you. I won’t let you know; sometimes I will mention it in passing. But since it was mentioned like one mentions the weather, you won’t notice.
As days pass by, I notice how the shine is receding from her eyes. How her hair that was once wavy and a step ahead of the breeze starts to fall limp. How the smile starts from her lips but stops short of her eyes. How her bangles don’t jingle anymore because she doesn’t wear them anymore. How her feet are prettier than when you remember them, because she is waiting and so you can see them. In a haze, she seems to be slowing down. Or rather going in a direction where she never mentioned she would. In the hope of charting another course? Who knows? But she seems to be in the distance and contemplating.
Maybe she’s waiting for everyone to say Goodbye before she leaves.
That’s how she is; Life is that beautiful girl who changes her course as she wishes. If only you could catch up with her…
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