In My Veins

In the final episode of Castle – Season 4, a song plays in the background as Castle’s daughter, Alex, talks about goodbyes on her graduation day. The song touched a chord in me (other than the obvious one) and I Googled it. The song is In My Veins by Andrew Belle. Although, it isn’t one of those songs that you hinge onto because it’s great or widely loved, but it is one of those that stays with you because it evokes how you feel, embodies what you’re going through, and expresses what you can’t. In My Veins is one of those songs, and a rather beautiful one.

The lyrics go…

“Nothing goes as planned
everything will break
people say good bye
in their own special way.

All that you rely on
and all that you can fake
will leave you in the morning
and find you in the day.”

Everything is ephemeral. It’s a bitter sweet truth. Depending on where you are in your life now, you’ll either feel happy that this phase is going to end or you’re going to dread the fact that this phase shall be over. Either way, good bye is a truth you’re going to have to face. When I look back at my life,  I can see a lot of happy moments. The times that lie encased in the bottle like the ship that once undertook many happy voyages. And I have noticed that every time I have made a memory worth keeping safe, it has been tangible, meaningful and unparalleled. But I have always had to leave those times behind. I couldn’t bring them into the present with me and leave no place for what the present has to be filled with. Similarly, I can’t take my present with me into the future and hinder what is in store for me. I’m just going to have to leave behind some things, people, and places like milestones in my path of life and move ahead with only what I can carry.

I sit here and look back at the wonderful times I once had. I sit here and wonder if it’s time for me to put them into a bottle and write a lilting good bye note. I sit here and wonder if the day is over.

There is getting over.

There is starting over.

And then, there is moving on.

For everything that has gone by…

“Oh you’re in my veins
and I cannot get you out…”