Over the last few years, a few people have tried to control what goes up on this blog. In ways more than one, I have found myself battling with how much I need to say, and more importantly what I need to say here. For whatever reasons, I have been at the receiving end of retaliation that has caused me to put under censure why I write this blog at all. For the want of expression? For the practice? As a litmus test for the writer that I want to be? I don’t know, really. I’m not a disciplined person, and I find it hard to keep up a routine. Though this blog may not be a routine, it’s definitely something I never ignore. The reasons are yet unknown to me. The only thing I know is that they must be emotional. However, once in a while it tends to happen that untoward people try to take advantage of the information/expression I put out here. Because this blog is so important, I do my best to ensure that such unwarranted retaliation is not catered to. Therefore, this honest paragraph, before anything else that I have to say.
Although I’ve been working a little less, eating a little more, and re-adjusting to routine in a way that I have not known in the last 3 months, there has been little to say. What could I say that would aptly describe the amalgamation of blame, intention, righteousness, and even plain honesty? How could I write poems when I didn’t know what needed such weaving? What am I going to say about people or places or incidents I see that would capture all stories that turn into chaos when they collide with each other? I don’t really know, so I haven’t even tried. Therefore, this amorphous paragraph, before anything else starts to come together and coalesce into something tangible.
People fall apart, they go by the wayside, and relationships wilt. All fair and rightly so. However, I wonder if over a time we build this wall that makes it difficult for two people to communicate. Does it have something to do with looking into the eyes of someone else when you’re trying to get across? Or does it mean you have to have your heart open? Whatever it may be, I’m glad some people fall aside. It makes for some breathing space, and then, room for more. Ironically, today was one such day when I hoped someone would just go away. This is because I didn’t want to communicate and try to get down that massive wall which existed. I didn’t care about hammering at it. All I did was just walk away. I’ve come to a point when people leaving doesn’t sadden me as much as it once did. Maybe they’re just seasons, and they will pass. Those who are meant to be around forever will last. Therefore, this absolving paragraph, before I pour out how I feel into words and make poems out of them.
In time the Earth will open
In time the seeds will grow
Until such time we’ll live on love
and whatever little we know
I’ve always been really hurt when people have walked out of my life. It’s hurt more when you haven’t been able to salvage a relationship. Honestly, I’d like to believe that I’ve always tried my very best before giving up on anyone or walking away. Having said that, I’m not young enough to think of any relationship as everlasting. Sometimes it’s just time to move on and sometimes you realise that you do not want to waste any more time and effort on a person who does not appreciate what you have to offer. In such cases, I like to remind myself that it’s better (for all parties) if you wasted a little time trying to work it out and then move on than to waste an entire lifetime trying to get it right.