I Wish I Was a Punk Rocker

Sometimes I wish I was the kind of person who would be consistent to the point of boring and follow the Korean skincare routine, finish all the products I had flown in all the way from South Korea, and be predictable to myself. I wish that I was the kind of person who would leave the house at the same time every morning and be found at the bus stop at the same minute of every day. Alas, I am not that person. I’m the person who doesn’t know what her week looks like because she wants the unknown to surprise her, for something to jump out of nowhere, and for the routine to pack its wares and leave. I’m the kind of person who takes three weeks off and doesn’t book any tickets. I’m the kind of person who, as soon as she detects routine in her life, goes out of her way to disrupt it. For the most part, this works because I have no idea how certain things come hurtling out of nowhere. But at others, I realise I’m too old for this dynamic life plan. (“I’m too old for this crap” is my go-to line these days and I bloody well mean it.) I know that routine is necessary and productive. If I have learnt anything in my life it is that routine matters more than prayer, hard work, or even flashy talent. Routine is boring and unattractive, but boy, it knows what it is doing. So, on the eve of NaNoWriMo I sit here and wish I was the kind of person who could follow through and do the same thing over and over again, at the same time every day, so that I feel a little less bad about myself.

Intentionally, I have steered clear of signing up for NaNoWriMo to save myself of my own disappointment. At least I’ve followed one writing advice — “Abandon the idea that you’re ever going to finish. That way, when it’s done you will be surprised,” said John Steinbeck. I’ve abandoned the idea that I will ever finish my novel. No matter how many untouched drafts may be lying somewhere, it’s just not going to happen. In fact, this attitude is something I’ve adopted for life and it’s kind of effective. I’ve suspended notions and expectations in such a way that if anything good ever gets done I am genuinely surprised. Like the other day I received an email from work saying what a good job I had done. You won’t believe my shock at receiving it. I went out to check if the world wasn’t upside down. You see? This arrangement is effective and life is a constant surprise in this fashion.

All this is well and good. But I know that something inside me wishes I’d taken the time to follow the Korean skincare routine tonight instead of blogging about my lazy ass.

Then again, tomorrow is another day.