When I wake up each day these days, is not ‘another day’ (with an irritated expression)-it is just a new day. I do not make it a point to do something different each day but I also don’t wallow in my past or fantasize about my future in extreme doses. It has taken me a little friction to brush off the unpleasantness of my past and a shield to keep at bay the unnecessary anxiety of my future. In that friction, I’d like to think; I have scraped off a few dead cells and made breathing space for new ones. I have ample time at hand but I’m not looking at it and wondering what should I do in order to kill it. Somehow I have undergone a cleansing process that has been annoying while it lasted but the exfoliation is now helping me breathe easy. After much deliberation I have come to this conclusion that I have reached a point in my life where I am not in a hurry. I am cautious and hopeful. I find it extremely exciting to look at those same old things and find something new for myself as a person. For instance I find eating chocolate chip ice-cream very thrilling all over again. I want to plant a sapling in reality-not Farmville. I think it is so much fun to go out for a movie with friends-it’s not just another trip to while away time! I like new notebooks and also those old greeting cards that I have stacked up in my cupboard. I have also realised something today- I am unable to write a poem about remorse these days. Trust me I’ve been trying to write one with that as the subject but I cannot. And now I know why-I cannot because I do not identify with that feeling. It isn’t within me. (And yes, knowing that makes me glad ten times over!)
Life is taking me back to ‘A Christmas Carol’ with Jim Carey’s new release-to the time when we sat on desks in school and to when I fell in love with literature. It is also taking me forward with the wisdom that Ebenezer Scrooge is about to gain while the world will be watching. I’m fascinated by Mark Antony once again as he comes “to bury Ceaser…and not to praise him”. I’m falling in love all over again with the idea of being in love and yes, the soundtrack of Tum Mile. I am revisiting old friends as they are now reaching out to me these days. (Ok, I thank Facebook for that!) My family and friends are seemingly forming a protective circle around me and I totally love it.
I have been observing human behaviour a little more closely than I would and I have realised we are a bunch of complex dunderheads. Our minds work in very peculiar ways. We, as individuals, form motion pictures on an everyday basis. Our minds are reels of spectacular photography, our actions are breathtaking screenplay and our lives have perfect direction (Even if we don’t someone up there knows what he’s doing!). Each one of us has a story and right now we are all in the midst of an epic motion picture, just that it takes us all a while to realise it. Just like it took me time to realise that I was, indeed, at peace with myself but I was too busy to notice. Yes, there is anticipation of what is about to come but like my friend told me-We will all hold each other through this and come out stronger-all of us. Well yes, I am holding on!!
-Sameen
amarllyis 