Excerpt From a Diary

Date: 4 October 2008
Day: Saturday

The sunlight streamed onto the table where I was sitting.

I picked my belonging and coffee cup and moved to another table. Looking at the previously occupied table I wondered if it was feeling hot. And then I reminded myself that it was a ‘table’. It was inanimate. I was spending time all by myself in the afternoon at an almost empty coffee shop. I had ordered black coffee. I don’t particularly like black coffee but I thought it would be a good change. Looking back I’m unable to decide whether it was a good change but it was change nonetheless.

The word of the day at work was- aglet: sheath on the end of a lace, cord, or ribbon to aid its passing through eyelet holes.Very often I wonder why I bother to read the ‘Wall’ at work. What’s with learning new words?I’m sure that even with an average vocabulary one can get along just fine. But they religiously put up a ‘Word of the Day’ and I invariably bother to read it.

In retrospect I think I should not have ordered black coffee. The flavour is lingering. I sat in that shop only as long as there was enough room for my thoughts to dance freely in the silence. Just as people started to trickle in I paid the bill and picked myself out of the comfort zone that I had made for myself. Out again in the crowd looking for another solitary but not lonely place, I walked. I was wondering if I should come home. But I decided against it. Staying with him is equivalent to staying alone. The stillness in the house makes me feel like I am being suffocated by a mob of silence. It has been this way ever since I can remember. This place is all about him. Not about me. It never was and never will be. I’m not complaining. It just suits me fine nowadays. 5 years of staying with him has numbed the person I used to be. But I still don’t leave. I wonder why?

Work is fantastic. That is all that keeps me going. It’s lovely to be in the midst of a step by step function and work at all the puzzles that wait for me. It seems as though they wait for me to come to them and untangle them. When I’m at work I forget everything. I forget his indifference, the traffic, the cooking blues and even my parents’ separation. I love coding. It keeps me alive. Alive enough to withstand the deaf ear he turns to what I have to say! Alive enough to deal with my mom’s sad eyes! Alive enough to go back home everyday!

Today’s Word: aglet:
Today’s Good deed: I accompanied my colleague to the orphanage. The staff has made a massive contribution.
Today’s Bad deed: I criticized my junior.
Today’s Lesson: Never put anyone down. Never! Ever! Whatever it might be!

I am hoping that I can hope again and one day pray just the way that I used to.

P.S. This is obviously fiction. Any resemblance to any person living or existing is not my problem.

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